I had a monthly blood test due today but didn't go. I'll go monday. The lab here is walk in, seldom more than a 15 minute wait so it isn't like I missed an appointment. That I wouldn't do. All the test tells me is if I have an infection getting out of hand before there are physical signs and ESR lets me know if I'm overworking my body.

Dedicate yourself to the good you deserve and desire for yourself. Give yourself peace of mind. You deserve to be happy. You deserve delight. - Mark Victor Hansen

As I approach the tail end of life, (arthritis knocks a good ten years off expectation) I have to do like a lot of people do. I have to wonder if it was all worth it. Well no, not all of it. But most of it was. There are things I would do different and lessons I would pass on to my kids if I had any. (my cats don't care) All a person really has at this stage is memories so you want them to be good. And now is the time to build good memories before they get lost among all the aches and pains. It is also not the time to give up. Slow down yes but not give up because even at this time in life the small things still contribute to the big picture.

There is something good in all seeming failures. You are not to see that now. Time will reveal it. Be patient.
- Sri Swami Sivananda

When My Father developed Alzheimers I bought a trailer for him to live in and us to take care of him. He had been managing on his own but really shouldn't have been. It was a big change for me as I had to drop all my plans and find a place for him. I also had to move him to another province so he could be where we worked. My, at that time Wife quit her job to look after him. You know they wander and get lost. After a year she couldn't handle it anymore and he was pretty far gone. So I put him in long term care in a hospital and tried to go back to my plans. We had bought a property in another province and were juggling seeing him and driving for six hours to work on this property. That lasted another three years till he died. Tired and burnt out we decided that if one of us could get a job here we would move here. Jen got a job and I found part time work. We lived in rented hovels and in my spare time I cleared some land and built a small barn as a temporary place to live. Life with a generator and no running water is tough. Jen couldn't wait for me to build the farm we dreamed of. We had animals and we had horses, but she couldn't see the big picture nor wait for it. And I was doing all the work so she couldn't see the little accomplishments from her seat in the coffee shop. For some, dreams die easy. She left me for a farmer. She got her farm but he wouldn't let her do anything on it. He wanted her for only one reason, so that didn't last. Meanwhile I kept plugging along. Eventually trading properties for one I could get power on. Working on it and working out amounted to 16 hour days except in the winter. I got what I wanted, a hobby farm with power and running water on a paved road. Some times it takes a long time. And sometimes plans have to change. I'm too crippled to farm anymore and the long days probably contributed to it. But I wouldn't trade much of it. Most of it was fun. Just hard work. Looking out my window watching it snow I realize that if I hadn't stuck with it doing little things every day that add up I wouldn't have this. That is how it is done. Like the apple trees I planted, not knowing if they would live or I would be here. Like the walnut trees we planted not knowing if I will live or be here. 

Oh I do compare, I just accept that we are not all the same and there are things I can't do so why feel bad.

...and the best things in life are free